- Have a group of at least 8 people. That way they will “have to make a new pot” and it will be fresh every time. Cone party hats are a nice touch (on your heads–at least for the first couple of stops!)
- For the first stop, all 8 or more of you take your own cars and use the drive-thru. Order free coffee only.*
- All of you then pile into two cars, making sure the amateurs who can’t handle their caffeine aren’t driving.*
- Wave to all the police officers and construction workers; they will all be in a good mood. Give them the “Obama Coffee Cup Salute”—today it will be appreciated.
- At some point make sure your coffee amateurs order a bagel or something to soak up the caffeine.
- Late in the crawl, find a busy intersection and have a Chinese Fire Drill—y’all are sure to be fast about it.*
- Take pictures with all of the people who serve you coffee. One at a time. Post on Facebook.
- For one of your last stops, go to the coffee place that always screws up your order (you know exactly which one that is). At that time of day, the employees will be so pissy about Free Coffee Day, and waiting for it to be over. Loiter there a while. Use the bathroom—take many selfies there. Post on Facebook. Have some fun. Dance to the Muzak.
- Stand outside that one en masse, waving your cups to people driving by, letting everyone know it’s Free Coffee Day. Go inside and tell the employees, “You’re welcome!”
- Go to Dunkin’ Donuts and every place that will actually prepare your coffee first; hit snobby Starbucks near the end. Your friends with low caffeine tolerance are sure to be so jittery they will make a mess at the creamer/sugar stand. That’ll show Starbucks! $18 dollars for a cup of coffee and they won’t fix it for you?
*If you live in a busy city and all the coffee shops are within walking distance, these options are out. But have some fun. Don’t order your coffees all together; all of you wait in line and order one at a time. Play “telephone” in line. See if the cashier will play while standing there waiting for the other employee to make your coffee. If “Hot Stuff” plays over their music system, reenact “The Full Monty.”
The main thing is to HAVE FUN! Let all of the employees know that you appreciate them appreciating you!
If you live in Massachusetts, all of this should take about 15 minutes.