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Self-love vs. Parenting: It’s Not One or the Other

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"And So Did They." (When the Universe Speaks)

Today, the Universe emailed a thought to me:

“And so did those who may have let you down.”

I love this.

So did they.

Have you ever listened to yourself when you are complaining about someone or something else?  I have. I spew a litany of, “I/we did/do this, this, this, this, this and all he/she/they did/do was that!’ A verbal scorecard of my own many great positives (interspersed with expletives, of course; it’s me I’m talking about), to compare with his/her/their great many negatives (and even better expletives).

I gave him the best years of my life …

I suffered through 19 hours of labor for her (without drugs!) …

We worked harder on this than they did …

Sound familiar?

I have to point out here, first, that anything we do for anyone, we do by choice.

This includes believing in someone, something, or what is said.  

(One good thing about thinking that way is that being able to reduce what we perceive to be a negative experience as a ‘bad choice’ on our part, rather than blaming someone else, allows us to still remain in control and not fall into the ‘victim’ thinking that gives our power away. We still hold our own.)

(Let that one percolate for a moment.)

This Note covers so much, in so few words. There are lessons in forgiveness, acceptance, perspective, equality … judgment and expectations.

When we feel let down by someone, our focus is only on our own self, and what we feel was done to us.

“I did my best.”

And so did they.

That’s quite an on/off switch, isn’t it? If we looked at it that way, and then tried to compile our scorecard, it would be a list of judgments in a way that said, “I am/do better than he/she/they.”

How many times have we also used the “I did my best” when we were called on for coming up short? When someone was disappointed in us, or when someone said we let them down?

And so did they.

Are we completely happy with everything we’ve ever done? Have we ever let someone else down?

Should we be forgiven for what we’ve done? Should we be accepted for who we are?

When we make a choice to work hard at something, believe in someone or something, is our choice based on expectation? Do we tryonly for gain? Being kind, nice, loving … are these things we do only for what we get in return? Or worse, to control someone else?

I have realized that the idea of acceptance of others goes much further than I had thought. The bottom line (so far) that I’ve come to is that I have to allow for others what I expect for/from myself.

I want to be forgiven if I’ve hurt someone. I have to forgive those that I feel have hurt me.

We are all human. I will admit that my best on some days is better than others. As I get older and learn more, that ‘best’ gets better. “They” might go through the same thing, don’t you think?

I want to live my life the way I want, having my own freedom of choice. Regarding others, I have to allow them that same freedom of choice, even if that includes not choosing what I say, think, believe … or not choosing me

After all, I’ve made choices like that, haven’t I?

I know that my own actions are based on what I am feeling and how I believe. So are theirs.

I should always try to do my best. Always. (Do I? Not yet.)And I should do this just because I want to, and not for compensation.
(Keep in mind, being kind, nice, and loving is its own reward: it feels good.)
Because I know whatever happens, at the end of the day – whatever kind of day I’ve had – I’m going to say:
I did my best.
… and so will they.
***** I absolutely love getting these Notes. Every day they give me something to think about! Thank you, Dooley brothers! (

For the record, the Universe is ALWAYS speaking to me. Some times I just need an obvious method of delivery to listen! 🙂
Happy 3rdAnniversary, 40-something Breck Girl Blog! Happy Anniversary to me!
3/20/13 – 3/20/16

Turn and Face the Strange … Changes

I find myself contemplating the lyrics of the song by the late, great Mr. Bowie as I approach another milestone, one that heralds an even bigger one for me.
Next week this blog will be three years old. Three is a number that is significant to me in so many ways; the third reality created by the combination of two … mind, body, spirit … three little words. Not coincidentally (because I don’t believe in coincidences), this was my third attempt at writing a blog. And this is the one that stuck. Three.
When I started this in 2013 (see the 3 there?), as I began to get more personal, I had started reflecting on the three years prior and all the significant moments encapsulated in that short span of time. I had been turned completely upside down by all that had happened in and around my life. Now, I look back on the last three years – with the added benefit of my firsthand account here – and find myself thinking the same thing.
Happy 3rd Anniversary, 40-something Breck Girl Blog. I am so very proud of you. All of you. The significant, the insignificant, the ridiculous. That pride extends to me, as well. I’m so very proud of you, Susie. All of you. The significant, the insignificant, the ridiculous.
This past week I reread the entire blog. I don’t normally do that after I’ve written a post (at least, not after the first 24 hours of publishing it, when I harshly scrutinize and pick each one apart in sometimes self-loathing paranoia). I put them out into the Universe, and I leave them there; sort of like a promise kept.
My reflection around this anniversary has to do with my age (in a good way). This time next year, when I celebrate the 4th anniversary of this blog, I will be celebrating the final anniversary of it. This time next year, I will be 49 and ½ – that’s six months away from no longer being a 40-something anything. I’m obviously going to need a new title. Since I believe that any change at all is a total change, the new blog I will be writing at 50-something will be written by a different person. The person writing this now is different from the one who started writing here three years ago.
This is not a bad thing at all. I’m excited about turning 50 (and already planning my party!)
Hell, I’m excited about tomorrow – I’m excited about now.
It was my realization that this coming year is the last full year of this particular blog that prompted me to reread it, all of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I’m still proud of you, Susie. You stuck to it. I even found lines – no, not just lines, but whole paragraphs – that I really liked.  Even gave myself a few pats on the back for some of them. For a hyper-critical, self-abusing over thinker, that is huge. Huge.  I “turned myself to face me”, and wasn’t totally unhappy; in fact, I’m actually happy.
Yay, me.
I began to see that the little things, little decisions every single day shape us more – sometimes, even more than what we consider to be the big things. We only notice changes after big occurrences just because changes are almost immediate. Sort of like when you see someone every day and never notice that he or she is getting older until you see a picture of them that is years old; or the flip side where you don’t see someone for 10 years and get hit with the differences all at once.
Time is relative, right? “Time may change me, but I can’t trace time.”

Every moment is significant, some may just seem more obviously so. When I look back over this blog, I can see my own transformation, even as I was writing about changes prior.
I noticed that despite my “leave all expectations at the door” attitude, I did have a few recurring themes, like connectedness, collective consciousness, perspective, tolerance, time … love. All themes that recur in my daily thoughts; as I think more about something, I write more about it.
Deal with it. No one said you had to be here. 🙂

I have no idea what I’m going to call the new blog.
Outside of that (and my big birthday party), my focus is on now. Even as I talk about changes past and changes yet to come, it is not so much as a rehash or attempt to push ahead, but a noticeably larger awareness of changes as they occur. Now. So as I look back, I’m looking back now; as I look ahead, I’m looking ahead now. With the perspective I have now.
And even my perspective will go through “ch-ch-ch-changes”.
(3 “ch-”s).
Happy Anniversary to me. And thank you for being here with me now.

Stay tuned for the “Changes” blog quoting Yes.

N.B. For those who were hoping this was going to be about menopause, I’m sorry, you’ll just have to wait for that one. And it will come.