Today I Feel …

Weird. Not just today; this odd feeling has been around for a couple of weeks now. It’s a good kind of weird – however, it is weird that it’s good.

Do you remember when you were a kid (this is not to imply that I’m a grownup or that I’m old) and something would happen that would just make you giddy? You’d ride that little high for a while.

I feel like that now. For no reason. Seriously; no reason. And I feel silly – I mean I feel like being silly.

What’s weird is that nothing has happened to cause this. I didn’t win the lottery. The man of my dreams hasn’t shown up on my doorstep offering to ‘take me away from all this’ (I don’t even have Calgon). I’m not drunk. I didn’t get laid.  I’m overtired from the extra craziness at my main job and the extra hours at my second – extra time that is only helping me maintain, not get ahead. I had a migraine over the weekend with a fever and I actually felt sick – and I don’t usually get sick.

(I should probably stop there before I jinx myself.)

Yet something is making me happy. Grateful, even.

– No. Not grateful. Gratitude implies a feeling of … humility? I’m not feeling humbled. Appreciative. That’s a better word, because you can hear the smile in it. Little things keep crossing my mind that just make me smile; things that I have, things that I have done, things that I enjoy(ed). By rights, with the way things are going right now I should be (and usually am) a tad bitchy – but I’m not. Everything around me is making me happy – or isn’t making me unhappy.

While it might be nice to know what is causing this so that I can make sure it continues, I’m not questioning it. I’m acknowledging my awareness of it. Thank you. It feels pretty good. I feel pretty good – despite the fact that I’m overtired, achy, can’t quite rid myself of this headache, and I haven’t had steak in over two weeks.

  — and what if something good happens?

That’s pretty cool, don’tcha think?

I’ll take it.
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