Doctors: Have Patience (PLEASE)

This is a sort of follow-up to my Back-Door Benefits of Fear post. In a nutshell: I got an unexpected day off to take my sick kid to the doctor, specifically because of our current world-health situation.

As a parent, you know when your kid is sick enough to warrant medical attention. For the record, my employer does not ‘recommend’ me staying home for a sick child, nor does he ‘suggest’ taking the day off to care for said child. So, when my employer ‘offered’ the day off ‘to take my child to the doctor’ (with a half-joking “Please take her to the doctor!” as I was leaving), I did just that.  If I’d just been given the day off to care for my child, I would have monitored the situation a little longer.

My child had a fever. Just a fever, but that means no school.

I was unable to get to our regular doctor and had to go to an Urgent Care facility.  The doctor asked when the fever started and I told him that I noticed it first when I pulled my child close to me and kissed her on the forehead and was surprised at how hot her skin was.

I was basically told that since I did not take her temperature with a thermometer, I could not possibly know that she actually had a fever, “maternal instincts aside”.

Give that a minute.

(I had to, because my first ‘maternal instinct’ at the moment was to slap him.)

He then proceeded to talk to me as if I were an alarmist parent who would waste a doctor’s valuable time every time my kid sneezed.

Yes, I was offended. At first, it was simply because this clueless doctor has no idea of job insecurity, maternal instincts, or me – because I’m the last person who would rush to a doctor. Where I’m from you learned to suck it up, cupcake. Doctor visits happened when something was about to fall off or when school rules required it.

I waited two days to write this because I realized I was more than just offended on my own merit. Yes, I admit to my own thoughts of condescension to the parents who seek medical attention for a sniffle and most definitely resented that condescension being directed at me.

But times are different right now. And the doctor should know that. Even if this is something we’ve been through before historically, this is the first time such a situation has fully entered the age of social media.

This educated man first should be aware that dealing with alarmist parents is part of his job (can I get an “Amen” from my fellow service-industry workers?).  Then, he should remember that his job is patient care.

With his knowledge, he should also realize that this is a prime opportunity for him to educate the people he comes into contact with, especially during this time of global crisis.

Doctors, we have something going on right now that requires you to pay attention to all of your duties. Your job isn’t just treating the public, it’s dealing with the public. This day and age of social media does not just inflame the alarmists, it connects real people who will talk about good and bad service – and you provide a service that we pay healthily (pun intended) for.

Understand that what is going on right now is the equivalent for you of what a Sears employee would go through during the Christmas in July sale: greater mobs, heightened emotions, panic, and a bigger rush.

So suck it up, Cupcake, this is a part of your job. By mocking the very real fear that people are experiencing right now with your patronization and condescension, you are only allowing and encouraging it to spread.

Isn’t it your job to help fight the spread of anything viral?

Please, use this as an opportunity to teach, to share, to care for your patients.

Back-door Benefits of Fear

I don’t have to tell you what everyone’s talking about nowadays. But I’ll get into that later.

I’m a single American parent living the dream. That means I work too many hours for not enough pay, and sick time is a joke.

During the daily grind, there is nothing more worrisome, anger-inspiring, paralyzing, fear-inducing, and guilt-ridden than The Kid Sick Day – the day your child is sick enough to need to stay home.

— did you catch that? ‘Sick enough’? I caught it as I was typing, and realized what I was saying, realized the full implication.

Since The News hit, there have been many articles and news bits about a problem with people going to work sick. Apparently, this is only a problem now. They all say the same thing: too many people go to work sick. Duh. Then they talk about why it’s a bad thing. Some of them will even go so far as to mention that many employees really don’t have the option to take a sick day. Again, Duh. 

And that’s usually as far as it goes.

If you’re not a worker who has sick days, there’s a better-than-good chance you don’t have the luxury of its sub-category: The Kid Sick Day.

I’ll tell you, it’s a lot easier to go to work when I’m sick than it is when my kid is because I’m still able to monitor the situation. I may still be resentful that I have to, but it’s definitely a lower stress threshold.

When you don’t have allowed sick days, it can be very hard to get the time off. Most of us don’t work for fun, and a sick day means less of the necessary income. It can even mean problems with upper management if you decide that you are really ‘too sick’ to go in.

Oops; I said it again.

If you are sick but still going to work because you have to (because there’s no one to cover for you and people will die if you don’t), you’ll spend that time before work being especially miserable, angry, resentful, and … sick. You’ll carry all your meds and sick-paraphernalia in to work and pray that you don’t run into much of the general public and, if you do, you pray that you’ve disguised your sick well enough so as not to offend them. Look, lady, I didn’t WANT to come in today!

If your child is sick, the paraphernalia stays at home, surrounding the child in his or her bed. (Since YOU are not sick, there’s no reason for you to not work, right?). And you get ready for work especially especially miserable, angry, resentful, and … worried and guilt-ridden. You are aware that you are forced to choose between the necessary job and your child, and neither answer will be right. If you choose your child (and still manage to keep your job and/or job stability), you will be concerned about the loss of income and possible negative treatment from upper-management that you were not there for them when they needed you. If you choose your job, you are a bad parent who neglects your child in a time of need. You will not be there if things worsen, you cannot fully monitor the situation, and you cannot comfort. Even a phone call might not get you there fast enough.

So, you bite the bullet and choose the job, because the income will help pay for doctor visits, orange juice, crackers, and aspirin. You spend the last five minutes before you leave the house with your hand on the door, frozen in self-doubt, worry, guilt, and resentment, knowing you should stay home and feeling you can’t. But your mind will not be on your job – which will always be pleasing to your boss.

Until now.

My kid has a fever today. It’s almost high. This child of mine would always get higher than average fevers; that became our norm. Fever days in general are worse because you want the kid to sleep, but you want regular check-ins while you are working. The only time I took a sick day in my current job wasn’t when I had the ‘flu, but when the symptoms of an intestinal virus … let’s just say I couldn’t leave the bathroom. Even my boss didn’t want to deal with that mess.

I got ready for work (yes, angry, resentful, and guilty). I stood at the door for five minutes beating myself up. I went to work. I told my boss that my kid was home sick and I would be expecting check-in phone calls —

and was sent home to take my kid to the doctor.

Specifically, because of The News (and yes, I was told to for that reason).

I may shed a little tear on payday, but right now I’m where I should be and able to take care of business.

 

 

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