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Everyone is talking about what will happen when ‘things go back to normal’ and they are looking at it as (1) as if they could, and (2) as if it would be a good thing.
Things will never be normal again; at least, not the normal most people are thinking about. They can’t. The fallout after this crisis is going to take a lot more than mere cleanup.
What we first have to look at is what we consider the idea of normal to be. Our dictionaries define it as: conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected and the usual, average, or typical state or condition.
First of all, the thought of ‘going back’ to anything is not very forward-thinking; second, the status quo, the existing state of affairs – the ‘Normal’ – has already changed. The ‘usual’ now – at least for non-essential workers – is focused on fear, anticipation, toilet paper, and the unfortunately-named ‘social distancing’.
This is what’s normal – at least for right now.
Therein lies part of our problem. When we look at right now it is with an expectancy of change, yet when we look at normal we ignore the possibility of it.
The more things change, the more they remain the same. Right? This means normal is change and change is normal.
Therefore, what is not normal is actually normal.
We are always changing; everything is always changing. You can’t grow without changing – we see that first in the need for bigger shoes; you can’t experience anything without some sort of transformation. We have a habit of focusing on the routines of jobs and scheduled activities to maintain a belief in a steady existence – and we bitch about that daily grind – while not noticing the constant change as we go along. That is why our children grow up so fast; we are so busy looking at the ‘same old, same old’ that we miss the new. Change happens all the time; we’re just not paying attention.
What we define as normal is a pretense, a game we play to instill a sense of continuity to find comfort in something familiar – yet even in that comfort zone, we look ahead for ‘better times’.
And that is exactly what we are doing now. Looking ahead for better times. The only thing different with this now moment is that every single one of life’s possibilities, probabilities, and certainties – marriages, births, aging, promotions, graduations, job-losses, personal transformation, economic crisis, sickness, and death – is happening all at once, in a concentrated form and accelerated motion, to everyone in the world at the same time.
Normal, but at Mach speed.
And, there is nowhere to run, for any of us.
Now as fast as everything is moving around us, we are sitting at home in enforced inactivity, feeling like we have no control over anything.
That is true. At least, it feels that way – which does make it seem true.
But that is not true. We are in control of the one thing we have always had control over, and the only thing we will always have control over: ourselves, individually.
This may be a hard lesson for most of us, but we are in the prime position to fully realize what it means to be in control of ourselves. Once we realize that, we will begin to see how taking care of ourselves is the first step to positively affecting what’s around us – without the need to exert any effort at direct control.
Think about what you focused on before, when things were normal. Does keeping up with the Kardashians matter to you right now? Is that what will make your immediate situation better?
We are all in this together. Can we recognize that? This virus is equal-opportunity and non-discriminatory – not in the hypocritical, unequal, discriminatory, and limited way we use those phrases, but in their truest senses. No one is exempt, not from the virus itself or the effects of this pandemic – not in any corner of the world. Just three weeks ago, only 63 of the world’s 195 countries had not declared known cases; as of two days ago, only 15 have not confirmed – but the lack of a formal declaration does not negate the likelihood of contamination. It is known that testing supplies are lacking, some countries are only acknowledging the more dire cases, others are just usually secretive, and serious credibility has been given to the speculation of authoritarian repression that has included the banning of the word ‘coronavirus’ and making the wearing of masks illegal. What this means most likely is that the countries that haven’t acknowledged it publicly just haven’t acknowledged it publicly.
I can hide my scars, but that doesn’t mean they are not there.
We are being given a world view of true equality; it does not matter what language you speak, what color your skin is, your gender, your gender identity, your sexual orientation, your political views, your fame, your wealth, your poverty, your social standing, your marital status, your religious views, your agnostic views, your skill set, your educational experience, your abstinence, your geographical location, your current state of health, your age, your weight, your size, your living conditions, your hair color, or any other foolish excuse we use to draw lines between us.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YET?
We are all in this together, as one, because we are the same.
With the complete and total scope of this pandemic, we have two choices: (1) look at the entire problem at once and get overwhelmed, or (2) focus on the moment.
Isn’t it ironic that it takes a past-present-future problem to learn the importance of the now?
Most of us are wavering somewhere between being overwhelmed and focusing on the moment. It is understandable; we may not have expected life to be all roses, but we probably didn’t expect all the shit to hit all the fans all at once.
Life itself is continuing – the waking up, the breathing, the days passing – but with this current situation we are forced to confront not just life’s transient nature, but the speed at which things can change.
Which puts a new focus on time. Right now, the only thing dividing any of us is whether or not we are considered essential or non-essential workers. The essential workers have the benefit of the steady income but are now in a more dangerous job situation; the non-essential workers are losing money, but their health safety is slightly more guaranteed. Neither side is in a good position. Health and resources are needed for survival, and neither side has both.
The tipping point on whose side is more favorable is the aspect of time. Non-essentials have been gifted with time. For us to be able to see anything positive during this world situation we must look at it that way; as a gift. Unfortunately, we have trouble still appreciating the value of time when survival is threatened. Time can be a light in darkness, but even light can be frightening if you are the deer caught in the car’s headlights and frozen in the middle of the road.
It can feel like we are living in a non-reality; what we looked at to be solid ground beneath our feet is breaking apart and there looks like nothing firm to stand on.
The first action we take – after the initial deer-in-the-headlights shock – will be to get ourselves standing upright on the firmest spot we can. In those initial moments of panicked movement and tension, we rush to ensure that immediate needs are taken care of as we hole up in our safest spots. Once we are settled as best as we can be, we look up and around.
Now what?
And it hits us: nothing is the same as it was, every single thing we usually did (and took for granted) became options no longer easily available to us and we were forced to redefine what a priority is.
Think about it; in the space of one week, toilet paper became more important than food.
Now what?
And we realize that this global concern has left us alone with ourselves.
And we, ourselves as individuals, are our own individual greatest resource, and the only thing we have control over.
First, we need to focus on appreciation. There is always something to appreciate in everything – how else do we see what we don’t like? Don’t worry; no one is making you commit to saying things aren’t bad, but you are allowed to admit to silver linings.
How many of you are tired? Take a nap. How many of you are stressed? Stop, drink a cup of tea, meditate, take a walk, read a book, listen to music – and recharge yourself.
You have time. While you can’t go about your ‘normal’ activities, you have the time you’ve been saying you don’t have. How many of us don’t party on a school night because it will affect the next morning? How many of us have stolen time to read a book, only to have to rush to catch up on what we didn’t do? We now have that time. Take it. Don’t pressure yourself to learn a new language (or something along those lines) – the people that push the idea of that kind of ‘easy’ productivity may have forgotten that their initial needs of survival have already been met. Everybody’s personal situation is different. You will not be able to accomplish anything like that until you are motivated to, and when your way of life is threatened you are only motivated to try and secure it. Creative motivation will come once you are feeling better. Then, try something new for the simple pleasure of it – and not because you felt shamed into it.
Healthy dealing with the changes of our now-existence relies on changing our perspective on it.
When we were in school we went on field trips. Some of them were fun, and some were ‘educational’ – which meant boring. Half of us would complain about the boring field trip, and the rest of us would celebrate that we were not sitting in class.
This is the same situation. Whether or not you can find something to appreciate in any of this depends on your perspective.
Obviously, the actual reach of the virus in your immediate environment will determine your perspective and shape your priorities, but there are still things to be grateful for despite the harsh circumstances.
Our entire world has been derailed; the tracks we were riding on are too damaged. We have to get off the train while new tracks are laid, possibly on an altered course.
Is that necessarily a bad thing? Had we been completely happy with the ride as it was?
We as a world could not make a decision together on how to handle the extreme problem of school shootings, and our battles had a limited focus on the total scope of the cause. Our kids are out of school now, and now we have the time to give genuine thought towards an actual solution and preventative measures.
Depression and mental health – an equal and largely ignored part of the school-shootings debate – has been brought to the forefront, as we are forced to face our own feelings in isolation. Even those of us who consider ourselves to have no mental issues cannot ignore the ‘simple’ effects of being ‘overwhelmed’ during these times or how it affects us.
Individual cities and states have been battling increasing road traffic situations. This is a problem that needs to be handled by both lawmakers and businesses together, working on a multi-part solution that includes remote working and changing hours, instead of the common fallback of financially penalizing the general public that uses those roadways to get to work. Now many companies are being forced to change how they operate and the roads are empty except for essential employees – and our definition of who is essential has also changed.
Weren’t we just close to being at war with another country? How dire was that situation on either side that it was possible to have been shelved while we’ve started focusing on our needs ‘closer to home’?
Cities and towns were being ‘gentrified’ at the expense of the residents who were being forced out of communities because the new standard of gentrification is way above the majority of the general population’s income level. Self-contained ‘communities’ were being built at an alarming rate that negated the very idea of ‘community’. The smaller margin of people that would have been enticed may have more money to bring to a location, but even they are staying home now.
Priorities are being rearranged. Even pious religious judgment could be put aside by the parent whose gay or transgender child is facing death from Covid-19 – a virus that attacks everybody equally. And what of the gay or transgender medical and mental health workers who are working hard to ensure everyone’s health? Are you going to slap their hand away if they are offering one in assistance?
Our new ‘celebrities’ are those people who are working to help, heal, support, and comfort others. Nobody’s makeup and Photoshop hacks can accomplish that, nor will it save anyone who is ill.
The standard school system is being forced to change. History will now be written and taught a little more accurately, because more people are writing it as its happening and fewer people can be forced into silence. People are turning in droves to the arts for comfort, healing, and recharging, proving to the educational system the importance of music and art programs – especially for mental health across the board.
The importance of teachers – the true teachers – has become highlighted. The art of teaching is being forced to be what it is supposed to be – exposure to real learning – rather than what has turned into basic mechanical regurgitation by those willing to do more but whose hands have been tied more and more by silly and faulty societal norms and others’ social-climbing agendas.
Those who want to learn will be offered more opportunity when the educational system – that is supposedly in place for all – is forced to become less of a money game.
The issue of homelessness is becoming a very real concern for a growing majority. There but for the grace of God go I is becoming less of a trite phrase as many people are out of work and worried about their financial stability.
The elderly have largely been left out of consideration by the establishments. How many of them lead isolated lives just because they were put in homes and everyone else moved on? Now, we know how they feel.
These are only some of the problems we have been dealing with; there are many more, and we looked at all of them as normal, but all of them are being refocused under our current world view. All of our current societal ‘structures’ (the modes, standards, institutions) are essentially “closed for renovation”. This is a very good thing. Our problems haven’t stopped, but they’ve been tabled in such a way to allow the time to work them out.
The capacity for compassion is increasing, because the lines between the homeless and homed, religious and agnostic, men and women, LGBTQ and straight, black and white, and Democrat or Republican, are being blurred. Each side is seeing ways to relate to the other on the human level; blurring the lines makes a battle moot.
For the longest time our focus has been on collectives like religious groups, political parties, genders, and haves and have-nots, rather than the individuals that make up these collectives. Quarantines, stay-at-home orders, and all that has been forcing environments of isolation have put the focus back on the individual person, and as individuals each of us are in a position to help fix – fix – the problems we collectively have been dealing with by working on that presumed lowest common denominators: our individual selves.
Now that the initial ‘rush’ is over, we are learning new ways to support ourselves (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially) from a perspective that has largely been held as being ‘selfish’, while learning a new understanding that self-care is important. Self-care-to-the-point-of-detriment-or-harm-to-another is wrong. We are re-learning to take only what we need – without hoarding – and doing the best with what we have. That will aid us both individually and then, collectively.
It starts with the individual, and the individual idea. Necessity has always been the mother of invention. We haven’t done too much of significant value lately because we haven’t felt a ‘need’, and instead settled into a familiar status quo.
Now there is no status quo – at least not as we viewed it before, and our needs have changed. Nothing is normal, and that’s okay.
What can we do? First, we can take care of our own physical and mental health. Without either, we are not in a position to help anyone else.
That includes going easy on yourself. Giving yourself a break, down-time, fuck-off time, and allowing time for your grieving – because we are grieving the passing of the norm – and allowing yourself to recharge is a top priority. Feel your emotions and make peace with them. There is no wrong way to feel in these times.
There is also no wrong way to parent in these times. Don’t fall under any belief that you ‘have to’ put pressure on the children – especially when you can’t successfully put it on yourself. We’ve already condemned them enough for not living the childhood we had when they are not even living in the same world. None of us have a clue yet of what kind of world they would need to be prepared for.
And remember, with them out of school, we are also their guidance counselors. We’ll need to get our own shit together first.
Re-learn who you are. It’s not as hard under these conditions when ideas of peer status and propriety have gone out the window. You’ll begin to see that your need for keeping up with the Joneses had more to do with insecurity and fear than your own life-preferences. When you are alone with yourself, who do you need to impress?
We are scrambling to rebuild and need to make sure that even our smallest nails can withstand the hammer, and we have the time to do this. Realize your own importance in the food chain.
It is said that the best way to feel better is by putting your arm around someone who needs the comfort more. Even with limited-by-the-minute resources, you still have something of value to give: your time. Reach out to those who need to hear a friendly voice, a good word, or a song to lift their spirits. Like the idea behind prayer, many minds can come together with positive and powerful thoughts. Love is an emotion – energy in motion. It cannot be physically touched; therefore, it can still be spread without physical contact, and it can be felt.
By reaching out the best way we can to each other, we are re-establishing the value of community and family and re-learning our strengths as such. This will force changes in ‘the establishment’. Pay attention to the fact that the establishment has noticed the beginning of its own implosion; how many individual cities and states began making their own decisions regarding virus control?
The back end of this global crisis is a complete upset of complacency and the status quo. All of our ‘systems’ are upside down right now. Our new heroes are the people that help people – in any way. The medical and mental health professionals, the teachers, and every single individual who is a part of making the healing and happiness happen. The color of your collar does not matter as much anymore, does it?
We have more power (and control) by working together. Remember and be aware of your own importance as an individual and as a part of a group. Do what you can with what you have and take care of yourself, so that you are able to be the change and a part of the changes you want to see.
We are not at war. We do not even have a common enemy; Covid-19 is a catalyst that is causing a wide range of challenges for everyone. When we eliminate the idea of an enemy, we eliminate the need to blame and we can stop wasting time on it. The effects of the challenges caused are not the same for everyone; therefore, everyone must deal with them individually.
Are we sensing a theme here? Take care of you (all of you), so that we can take care of this together…
If you need the comfort zone of something you can call ‘normal’, always be consistently YOU, and you can hold onto that.
Once you get your bearings, look around you. Take joy in the simple pleasure available. See how many people are trying to help in so many ways. Listen to the music, share the laugh, sing … be. Restoring your faith in yourself will restore your faith in the world, and your ability to feel like an active part of it.
We have continuously put pressure on ourselves to “do, do, do”. Do the best you can with what you have. Now is the time to “be”. Be you. Be safe. Be mindful. Be kind.
And know that everything will be all right, because you have a part in ensuring it.
TiaraMeSue 